A qualified behavioral therapist can help you identify the areas of your life that need attention. Sometimes, you may not have the opportunity to make direct amends to the person you harmed. Perhaps the person is no longer living, or you no longer have contact with them and reestablishing contact would cause more harm.
- Often, people with substance use disorders cause harm to others, either intentionally or inadvertently.
- The program and this step made me see that it was their own doing; they made the choice.
- And finally, we are very aware that in order to keep this feeling of freedom, we’ll need to keep on applying what we’ve learned while working the steps.
- In Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), making amends is considered a crucial component of long-term recovery.
Renewal Center for Ongoing Recovery
No doubt you will experience challenges and setbacks along the way. But by prioritizing your recovery on a daily basis and doing whatever that next right thing might be for you, you will keep moving forward in living a life of good purpose. No matter how much we feel the need to make things right, forcing another to meet with us or hear from us is not part of the Steps. When those we’ve hurt are not able or willing to accept our amends, we can still move in a positive general direction by taking intentional steps to be of service to others or making living amends. While making amends can be living amends healing, the outcome is not always predictable.
Recovery Stories
For example, if you are estranged from a loved one and they will not see you, your indirect amends may involve reflecting on and modifying the behaviors that led to the estrangement. For example, if you neglected or mistreated your children while you were using alcohol, a simple apology may not repair the damage. Instead, you may need to engage in a dialogue with them over time.
Making Direct Amends
Those who receive an amends see firsthand that people with use disorders can and do recover, becoming healthy, happy and productive community members. Thank you again for taking the time to listen (or read this) and please reach out if you have any questions or feedback in the future. Recovery support groups and individual therapy can help you if you are struggling to make amends or accept the responses of others. A sponsor or therapist can help you talk through your choices, determine the best course of action for making amends, and consider how your actions may affect others as you seek to make amends.
There are some important things you must know and do to successfully make 9th step amends. The program and this step made me see that it was their own doing; they made the choice. This was after they both had died and I am sorry that I couldn’t take this issue up with them personally. But I know they will know, we had settled everything made our amends to each other and enjoyed the rest of their lives. This makes me realize more and more how much this program is a lifetime program. It’s important to note that making amends is for the person we hurt.
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